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1000 Days of Celibacy: A Race Against the Cockatoo

1000 Days Of Celibacy: A Race Against The Cockatoo - Erin Dunphy Wow, this is a great argument against the self-publishing industry. The best argument for self-publishing is that gems that may not appeal to large publishing houses can actually get published. The downside is that anyone can publish anything, no matter how bad it is. One would have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince, and this book is a very slimy and warty frog. With a fungal disease.

The book, itself, is just a straight copy/paste from a blog written by a woman who is having difficulties finding someone to have a “relationship” with. The blogs seem to be chosen at random (there are several “chapters” that refer to things that had been posted about before, but were not included with the book). There is no editing. All of the run-ons, fragments, misspellings, abuse of homophones/heterographs and general cruelty to the English language have been left fully intact. The chapters are (as mentioned) directly from a blog, extra carriage returns and all (so a sentence, carriage return, carriage return, another sentence, more extraneous carriage returns). If you removed the extra chapter “highlight quote” page that precedes many chapters and did some formatting, this book would be one third the original length. On the upside, this means you don’t have as nearly as much to read (it can be completed in less than 2 hours, even with distractions).

Most of the blog entry chapters are done in a drunken state, and all of them have severe typos and grammatical errors that come with inebriation (in addition to the inability to write well). I’ve read some very good books where the speaking voice (errors and all) is created to advance the narrative, but in this case, it’s just sloppy and annoying.

The content is both sad and irritating. If you want to see what it’s like to live in total sexist/stereotype tropes, this is a great book. Women are all poor, misguided hopeful romantics who bitch or nag, unless the woman is in a relationship, and then she's a bitch, bar-whore, and/or manipulative whore of some variety, and Men are all evil, horrible, uncaring, pussy-searching assholes who never call back. Most of the entries aren’t even about dating, and are not funny. They’re the verbal (er, written) lashing out of a bitter, insecure, angry and immature young woman.

The book is a little misleading, because it’s not actually about 1000 days of celibacy. It’s about someone who couldn’t find someone to have a relationship (or sex) with for 950+ days and then started a blog. So there are a few “celibate” days there, and there are a few entries about one night stands and the day after sex (clearly, not celibacy).

If you want to read books about hilarious dating mishaps or the struggle to find a soul mate (or any mate, I suppose), there are plenty of books out there that are funny and well written. If you want to save yourself the money or library trip, do some googling, there are plenty of good blogs or columns that cover dating which are much more entertaining and insightful.